Bear’s Birth Story
God tried to tell me so many times that this baby was coming early, but I was not listening. First my friend Amy from community group made sure to give me an extra long hug goodbye because we wouldn’t be seeing each other again for a while because of the baby…except that we had 4 more times we were supposed to see each other before my due date. Then my mom a few days before I went into labor commented that the baby looked really low, but I assured her I still had at least 4 weeks to go. But the biggest signal came from our Pastor Travis, a true man of God, and I completely ignored it.
So Bear’s birth story really starts the day before he arrived. I woke up nauseous, which was nothing new, and we almost didn’t go to church but we were greeting that morning. The whole sermon I was wildly uncomfortable. Bear liked to knock into my ribs and sitting there I could hardly keep my eyes open I was so miserable. After the service P-Trav commented that I looked like I was going to go into labor right there in the pew. The way I glared at him. “I have at least 4 more weeks, maybe even 6!” I protested defiantly. Didn’t he know that my nursery wasn’t ready? Didn’t he know I needed to finish reading the book on breast feeding. God was speaking to me so clearly, and in just a few hours I’d have no choice but to listen.
After church I went home and I genuinely have no idea what I did. Probably threw up a few times and took a nap. That afternoon we had plans at 4:30 pm go to DL Mack’s with the Taylor’s. My best friend Adrienne was also pregnant at the time and suffering from acid reflux, so an early dinner was a must. Half an hour into dinner I started having pretty bad back pain, but I attributed it to being on my feet earlier greeting before church. We finished our dinner, made plans to go to the Mavs game together the next night and waddled back to the car. My back started to hurt pretty badly by the time we got home and I had Christian give it a rub and get me a heating pad which worked pretty well. I spent the rest of the evening watching TV before kicking Christian and his snores out to the guest room. I told him and I quote “I have so much to stuff to do this week, I really need a good night of sleep tonight.”
Around 11 pm I fall asleep. Then I wake up around 2 am with some cramps. I try to go back to sleep but they keep escalating. Text a few friends asking if they had ever experienced this with their pregnancies and ultimately decide to text my doula around 3:30 am. She says to go ahead and try to go back to sleep because if it is labor I’ll need my rest. I would describe them as period cramps with a purpose. I tried to get back to sleep but they were too strong. I went to the guest room and woke up Christian. I told him “it’s probably nothing but just in case I want this on your radar. I’m having cramps, the doula told me to go back to sleep.” I start timing my contractions with an app I downloaded. Christian comes back into our room and takes over timing the contractions. He lets me know that the app is saying we should go to the hospital, to which I responded “oh ya it’s told me that a few times, but it’s just an app what does it know?” I started getting vocal around 4 am and really needing to focus during my contractions. At 4:30am I went to the bathroom and had blood on the toilet paper. I think that’s when it really started sinking in that things were happening. I remember thinking well shit, this is probably my bloody show. I decided to get in the shower partly for pain management and partly because my hair was dirty and in the back of my mind I was like idk when I’m going to get another chance to wash it.
While I was in the shower I had a major come to Jesus moment. I was thinking of all the things I had left to do and all the books I needed to finish reading etc. God spoke to me so clearly in that moment: “The time for planning and books is over. This is happening now.” I remember thinking “OK – but you have my back right?” And I knew He did. The only way out was through. I was in this thing now, and I had to just roll with it. I never had any real fear or worry during the labor process, I just felt very focused on what my body needed to do.
Once I got out of the shower the intensity really ramped up. I only felt comfortable laying in bed on my side. I had the Christian Hypnobirthing app playing the whole time and it was SO helpful. Around 5am, it had become clear that we needed to call my midwife. She asked Christian a few questions, and told us to go ahead and try and meet her at the Birth Center in an hour so she could check me out. Christian started to pack both of our bags. We weren’t sure where we were going to be birth center or hospital so he packed like we wouldn’t be coming home for a while. I remember at one point he had to FaceTime me from (the very unfinished) nursery because I couldn’t get up to tell him what to bring. It took us about 40 minutes to get it together enough for me to get in the car, I was throwing up in a trash can over the side of the bed and contractions were intense enough that I was having a hard time walking.
I get in the car laying down across the backseat and Christian tries to shut me in, but I kept yelling that I wasn’t ready for transport. This was probably the most frantic I was during this whole process. While I’m laying in the back seat, I felt the adrenaline surge of transition and panicked a for a split second. Then I remembered that transition can feel scary, but my body needs these hormones to get this baby out. I threw up one last time in my little trash can, and right after that my water broke. I actually felt some relief at this point – and thankfully Christian had put down a towel ha. Christian had forgotten his phone, so he was inside when all of this was happening. When he came out and I told him my water broke. He was like ok we gotta go and tucked my limbs in the car and we hit the road. Looking back now, I probably was already starting to push in the car.
We were at the birth center in 15 minutes and the midwife was there to walk me into the room from the garden. I immediately took my pants off and laid down on the bed with my body pillow and started pushing. Christian told me later seeing me Winnie the poohing it from the parking lot was pretty shocking and hilarious at the same time. Also I want to note that in my mind, even at this point, I was like ok she’s going to check me and let me know if I’m really in labor. When I walked into that Birth Center, I was 9 cm dilated…can you imagine? It was such a weird push pull of accepting what was happening and knowing exactly what I needed to do but also my mind needing a minute to catch up.
I had one last minutes long break where I could still talk in between contractions and my midwife broke down my options for me. She asked since I was technically 36 weeks as far as we knew at the time (according to my sonogram dating, which we now know was off) if I wanted to go to Baylor in case Bear needed care beyond her scope once he arrived. She also explained that even if I decide to stay, once he gets here we may have to transfer him regardless if he’s having any issues. I said I wanted to stay, at that point I couldn’t fathom moving any where else and had no reason to deviate from my birth plan. Then it was game time.
I kept the Christian Hypno app playing and that really got me through the contractions. I just tried to stay as relaxed as possible, vocalize in low tones, and use my bloom breath that Dr. Chelsea taught me. Every book I read, class I took, appointment I had, video I watched – all that knowledge just poured out of me like muscle memory guided me through. Some people say that they don’t really have to push they just sort of breath them down, but that was not the case for me. I felt a very strong urge to push and the sounds I was making while I did so were WILD. I truly sounded so primal; like an animal. I could hear the intensity of my cries and it almost surprised me – it definitely was intense but my level of discomfort wasn’t tied to the sound of my voice. But I needed the power of those sounds to get him out. I swear it was like growls at one point. I made a mental note to tell Christian I was sorry if I scared him, but that it wasn’t as bad as it sounded.
After about 45 minutes of pushing on my side I hit a wall and shifted to all fours. This was the hardest moment physically, I had kept my breathing pretty steady up to this point but things were getting pretty intense. My midwife reminded me to slow my breathing and take a little break, which was pretty brief but did help refocus me. Then bam ring of fire and the head was out! Body came quickly after that. He laid on the bed in front of me while I was still on all fours. I didn’t cry, I think I was still in shock. At 8:03 am, after an hour of pushing, Barrett ‘Bear’ Leo Butterfield arrived. He was here, he was perfect, and he was all ours. I just kept saying, I can’t believe I did that with no drugs. I really did it! I felt like such a badass.
We did delayed cord clamping and immediate skin to skin which was so sweet. I delivered the placenta (which I encapsulated), and they started to clean me up a bit. We did delayed cord clamping and immediate skin to skin which was so sweet. I had a second degree test and needed stitches. That was honestly the worst part of the whole day. Thankfully by that point my sweet Doula Debbie arrived and was able to hold my hand while Emily stitched me up. We did all the newborn exams and hung out for a bit but we were ready to leave a little before noon.
Birth is honestly the most magical, messy, spiritual, exhausting, affirming, heart changing moment of my life. I’ve never felt closer to God or more sure of my body and it’s power. I have a purpose in life like I’ve never experienced. Motherhood is the greatest gift I’ve ever been given.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read Bear’s birth story. It means the world to me to have such an amazing community of women supporting me.
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